I guess I would never say this out loud.
But I need you.
God, I need you.
To be next to me.
To hold onto me.
Because I am crying.
Weeping so loud for you.
I need you.
I sound so pathetic to say this.
But,
Why aren’t you here with me now?
Original Quote
But really what do these words say?
And really, do they make the difference?
I could sing them, write them, be them,
But i cannot grant them substance.
Oh to crave to be more.
Is the beating of this heart.
Dying to achieve the core,
And what makes the beat start.
Breathing this breath of air.
Blowing the wind on your face.
I am begging for you to look at me now.
And see me in this place.
Do these words make a difference?
Should i even write them down.
It only works if you listen.
They only smile, if you don’t frown.
Is it worth stopping now?
Will that make the pain cease?
What if i beg at your feet,
And ask you to read them, please?
Will ever i find what i need?
Will i ever be truth?
I just want you to listen.
I just want to influence the youth.
Each morning the sun wakes up.
Each night, the moon sleeps.
The words are creating each day.
And they are all i am to keep.
This soul is crying to be heard.
Every inch of me sings.
I start to play the lonely guitar,
Yet i break all of the strings
I wanna be your shadow.
Following you around, all of your days.
See everything you do.
And do them in the same ways.
I want to watch over you.
Attached to you by sunlight.
I want to be your shadow,
Avoiding the dark of night.
To be painfully, and unbearably honest.
More honest than I have ever been before.
More painfully truthful than ever.
To be unbareably articulate,
I love you.
I am so in love with you.
Please, never leave me.
Or suicide will find me.
I wanna be a thief in the night.
Stealing things that don’t belong to me.
But I don’t want money or jewlery.
I wanna steal you.
I wanna steal your love.
The love you give to her,
I want it to be mine.
I wanna be your thief in the night.
Hiding in the shadows,
Until you need me.
And Ill be there,
To take what should belong to me.
I wanna steal your love.
I wanna be your thief in the night.
Ill take all of you.
Ill take all of your perfect love,
Because what else would a girl need?
I love you more than these words could express.
No one could understand this love.
Not one person.
You are more than the sky above me.
You are beauty,
Beauty that no one can see.
And I,
I love you more than these words could express.
No one could understand this love.
Not one person.
You have captured me, and I can’t capture you.
You have smiled free, but I can’t smile too.
And I,
I love you more than these words could express.
And you,
You don’t see me, like I need you to.
Yes,
Ill be honest.
You will get the truth out of me.
I am broken.
I am a broken, little girl.
Fragile, Weak.
Worthless.
I am feeble, stupid, silly.
I am broken.
You caught me.
This is the truth.
I will finally admit it,
Through this broken depression,
I am a broken girl.
Innocent, delicate, worthless.
Feeble, Stupid.
Yes, you caught me.
Broken, forever. I am.
Beauty
Where are you,
My beauty?
I need to see you.
To hold you,
In my feeble arms.
Beauty?
Are you out there?
All I can see are the dark clouds.
The rains that cause a storm.
Beauty?
I am starting to think you don’t exist.
You are fake.
Beauty.
These conflicting thoughts hurt me.
They tare me apart,
Cause my skin to break,
Cause each smile to fade.
And make me feel worthless.
Oh, it hurts so much.
These conflicting thoughts.
The yes vs. the no.
The perfect vs. human.
The thoughts that complicate my mind.
I just cant stand it any longer.
The tears are to much to bare.
The pain is to much.
And as I write now,
I cry. I weep. I hurt.
Because the thoughts are killing me.
Somehow I am gonna smile.
I am going to let my lips feel my ears.
I will let my eyes squint with joy.
I am gonna find away.
And even when I don’t think I can.
I am gonna do it anyways.
I am gonna smile.
Somehow,
This will be the time.
Personal Quote from my poem, “Everything”
I guess Ill cling to you.
I suppose I’m holding on.
I refuse to let go.
And we are on the roller coaster now,
And I hold onto you ever so tight.
I look into your eyes,
It’s mixed with beauty and truth.
I guess Ill cling to you.
But the fact is,
My arms will never part you.
My lips will never part yours.
I guess Ill cling to you,
Just cling to me too.
There is something about seeing you,
About talking to you.
About being next to you.
There is something about holding you,
Caring for you, caressing you.
There is something about loving you,
About calling you a friend.
There is something about you,
That I can’t help but hold onto.
And I am scared,
By God, I am scared.
I have never been so afraid,
That one day,
Years, or weeks from now,
Our stories will part,
And you will forget about me.
Oh, please, don’t forget about me.
I keep my eyes open,
As I fall into my casket.
I lock myself in here forever,
And keep my eyes open.
This is my life now.
And should I just accept it?
It’s so much work to change it.
So much work to fight.
I keep my eyes open,
And all I see is darkness.
What do you think that means?
That must mean something, right?
I keep my eyes open,
But I become tired.
This casket is just to much,
I hate the pain of feeling confined.
So perhaps, I’ll close my eyes now,
Maybe just for the night.
But I feel like I’ve enjoyed to much
Playing dead in my casket.
